Oh No – UFOs!

Since 1947 there have been 80,000 sightings of UFOs with many clustered around National Marijuana Day.

The past year has been hard on everyone with the pandemic, the lockdowns, the extreme weather and the cicada invasion. We thought that the worst perils were behind us, but it seems that we may soon be facing a new menace – an invasion by aliens from outer space.

UFOs, Area 51Since 1947 there have been 80,000 sightings of UFOs with many of them naturally clustered around National Marijuana Day (April 20) and National Vodka Day (October 4). Unfortunately, the number of annual sightings is growing, and our world leaders have noticed this trend.

In 2016 Hillary Clinton pledged that, if she won, she would disclose what the government knew about such sightings. It was an effort to win over the conspiracy theorist vote. Regrettably, the whacko vote went for Trump anyway. Then in December 2020 former President Obama admitted that he had been briefed on UFO visits while he was president, but he declined to share the findings.

Also, in December of last year a former Israeli Space Security Chief asserted that extraterrestrials do exist, and that Trump has known about them. He went on to claim that Trump did not reveal the information to avoid mass hysteria. The chief probably feared that that mass hysteria would detract from the mass hysteria he was creating over the “stolen” election.

Former President Trump, who had previously declared that space aliens were a Chinese hoax, responded by saying that he didn’t know much about UFOs, but a lot of people are saying that if they did exist, the aliens would really like him.

Recently, when asked about aliens possibly trying to enter Earth illegally, President Biden said that he would let in 125,000 per year. He then reduced that number to 15,000 before reverting back to the original figure. Biden also said that he was changing the term “illegal alien” to “undocumented noncitizen from outer space” which he felt was a more politically correct identification.

Currently 36% of Americans think that extraterrestrials do exist and that they have been visiting our planet for centuries. In addition, some Americans claim to have been abducted by aliens who presumably subjected them to acts of perversion so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here. I’ve been told there is video evidence of such encounters, but my investigation has failed to uncover any, at least not on the porn sites that my research required me to visit.

There are two questions that need to be addressed. The first is, do UFOs and therefore extraterrestrials exist? Given the increasing regularity of sightings, we have to think that maybe they do. We will have a better idea on June 1 when the former Director of National Intelligence, John Ratcliffe, has said the Pentagon will issue a report on UFOs that will include INFORMATION NOT EASILY EXPLAINED.

The second question is what do space aliens want with us and will they be friendly like ET and My Favorite Martian? Or will they be malevolent like the horrible creatures from the movies, The War of the Worlds and Signs?

Some believe that extraterrestrials would be kind to us and are probably just curious about our planet and wondering if there is intelligent life here. Earthlings with this view believe that aliens from the far reaches of outer space didn’t fly 80 billion light years to come down here and get all rowdy and start a fight. However, it seems that if they were looking for intelligent life on Earth, they would have decided after the 2016 election that there was none and would have gone elsewhere.

My fear is that any space aliens that arrive on our planet will be here to consume all of our raw materials and destroy our planet much like the Republicans have been doing for years. Damn you aliens! We are perfectly capable of destroying our planet without your help. Thank you very much.

But maybe, just maybe, from the moment that any alien invaders arrive and breath our air, eat and drink, they will be doomed by the tiniest creatures that God in his wisdom put upon this Earth. Yes, the deadly virus which has been so devastating to us may save us poor earthlings.

If that doesn’t work, we could plant a different kind of virus into their mothership that will filter down to all their corresponding ships below disabling them so we could take them out. Either way, it may just be a virus that will save our beautiful planet if the UFOs are real and the extraterrestrials prove hostile.

In the meantime, I’m not taking any chances, I’m donning my tin foil hat and hiding in the basement. Oh No – UFOs!

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