A thing called “reverse magnimosity” could cause Mars to fall from the sky, warns the Slobovian Space Program.
Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
If you were planning to spend a half million dollars to take one of those highly advertised tourist trips to the planet Mars, you may want to pause and consider the following new info about the “Red Planet,” including the hypothesis that it could fall from the sky.
According to Dr. Tikkel Uranus, head of the national Slobovian Space Program, studies indicate that due to Earth interference, Mars will likely tumble from the sky. What Dr. Uranus has discovered is that while Mars does have 38 percent of the Earth’s gravity, that holds true for only the first 12 minutes that Earth objects and earth beings are on the planet. What kicks in then is Mars “reverse magnimosity.”
Under the reverse magnimosity, a 100 pound being would suddenly weigh 234,000 earth tons — enough weight to dislodge Mars’ place in the universe.
According to Dr.Uranus, space modules and land rovers that have been deposited on Mars may have already caused irreversible damage, and possibly started the planet’s descent from the sky. If this is true, Dr. Uranus projects, the planet would land here on Earth in the area of Yankee Stadium, possibly during the projected World Series between the New York Yankees and the New York Mets.
Dr.Uranus also states that humans could be susceptible to the highly contagious and deadly “Mars Pox.”
Mars Pox is a distant relative of Earth Chicken Pox, but which causes the skin to be covered in foul smelling, puss filled green warts.
Martians use flaming gasoline baths to purge their outer skin layers, but there is no known Earth cure for Mars Pox.