[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Wuhan Institute Under Investigation for Causing a Litany of Worldwide Disasters

China’s infamous Wuhan Institute is now rumored to be responsible for much more than just the possible release of COVID 19.

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
Wuhan Institute
Wuhan Institute. Photo: Ureem2805 – own work, CC BY-SA 4.0.

Former Slobovian Secret Service Agency head General Y’Ghotta B. Schittenmy, now a licensed private investigator, has been hired by the United Nations and the W.C.C (World Crappe Council) to investigate China’s infamous Wuhan Institute amid rumors that the facility is not only responsible for the COVID-19 but for a long list of worldwide disasters and afflictions.

At a recent news conference, General Schittenmy stated that he and his staff will be looking into rumors that Wuhan could be responsible for such disasters and traumas as:

  • Original Sin
  • The Rape of the Sabine Women
  • The Slobovian Inquisition
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • The American Civil War
  • The Edsel
  • Milli Vanilli
  • The Black Death
  • The Purple Death
  • My Mother the Car
  • Ingrown toenails
  • Liz Taylor’s marriage to Eddie Fisher
  • The Hindenburg disaster
  • O.J. Simpson being acquitted
  • Donald Trump being elected

General Schittenmy is working closely with Dr. Whang Dhang, world famous Forensic Crapologist and Theological Poontangist. Dr. Dhang stated, “We believe that it is highly possible that when Satan was expelled from Heaven he did not go to Hell, he went to Wuhan.”

Ted Holland