[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Newly-Discovered Delta Blues Strain May Be Deadliest Covid-19 Variant

The CDC now says the newest variant, the Delta Blues Strain, may hit hardest, affecting certain music listeners.

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

The newly discovered “Delta Blues Strain” may prove to be the deadliest variant of Covid-19 of all time.

Delta Blues Strain
New variant may have originated at Blind Luther’s Juke Joint in Gitlow decades ago.

Unlike normal strains of Covid, which attack the respiratory system, the Delta Blues variant attacks the body and mind’s Musico emotional system. Older people who primarily listen to Dean Martin or Celine Dion are extremely targeted by the strain, as are young people who listen to hip-hop. Listeners of modern country music are also at risk.

According to SNN, insiders at the Center for Disease Control say that the Delta Blues Strain originated in Mississippi at Blind Luther’s Juke Joint in the town of Gitlow. The disease then spread to India when someone there bought a guitar pick from Blind Luther on eBay.

The World Health Organization has revealed that GutBuckette Pharma of Itta Benna, Mississippi has developed a vaccine to battle The Delta Blues Covid.

Recently Dr. Hifi Phono Musical and Medical director of Gutbuckette spoke to the press. ”Persons whose primary musical intake is Blues, Soul, Motown, Rock & Roll or old-fashioned Gospel are completely immune to this strain. However, if you are listening to the Monkees or Herman’s Hermits, you should seek medical treatment immediately.”

She continued, “If you listen to jazz or classical music, quarantine yourself for 41 days with Thelonious Monk or Mantovani and see how you feel.”

Dr. Phono also stated that Gutbuckette’s newly-released Eric Clapton vaccine is simply not strong enough to combat the powerful Delta Blues Strain. Persons who have taken the Clapton vaccine should get the 12-bar BB King Booster shot.

The company is developing a more powerful Muddy Waters vaccine and the super-powerful Howlin’ Wolf “Killin’ Floor” to eradicate the Delta Blues variant altogether.

Ted Holland