Exclusive! Transcript: Trump Subpoenaed, Faces Tough Questions

Trump subpoenaed

As Donald Trump is subpoenaed and sworn in, he faces the House Select Committee behind closed doors. He’s not sure if his pants are on backwards, but carries on!

Former president Donald Trump was secretly subpoenaed and has already testified behind closed doors. Only the Humor Times has the transcript, and we present it to you here:

Your name?

Who doesn’t know my name!

We still need you to tell us.

Donald John…Smith!

Who?

Oops, that’s my Motel name!  Okay, Donald John Trump.

Now, was that so hard?

I’ll take the 5th.

I haven’t asked my questions yet.  What is your occupation?

Still President!

Did you plan the Capitol attack?

Check!

On January 6th – why did you tell the rabid crowd you’d be going with them & then you never showed up?

I had to go back into the White House – Bran Muffin!

And, we’re supposed to believe that?

Gave it a shot!

Did you speak to Jim Jordon on January 6th?

Hamina Hamina Hamina Hamina!

Trump subpoenaed

How about Kevin McCarthy?

Check his BM’s please!  When he kissed my ring…

We don’t do that Sir!  I’d like a straight answer!

What do Rick Gates, Paul Manafort, Mike Flynn, George Papadopolous, Michael Cohen, Roger Stone & soon Tom Barrack have in common?

They’re on my Christmas List?

You say you really like Mike Pence – then what did you get him for his last birthday?

pre-knotted Tie!

When was your last Cognitive Mental Test?

Brain is perfect – but still have Bone Spurs!

What are the symptoms?

Making sh_ _ up!

Do you also have Restless Leg Syndrome?

Will it get me out of this room?

No, you have to sit & answer questions until you break.

Won’t work, Melania gave me a Mock Trial – lay it on me!

Are you really still married?

3rd wife’s the charm!

Then you won’t mind if she is subpoenaed too?

If you can get her to leave Slovenia!

She can Zoom, can’t she?

Are you kidding – they hardly have electricity!

Would you mind if we call Stormy Daniels?

Sounds like a Hurricane but knock yourself out!

Well, she has tapes!

If I was wearing a Black condom – it couldn’t be me!  But did you know black is slimming?

Yeah, we had to use a magnifying glass!

On the tape, there was a lot of begging.

She was on my hair!

Would you ever go back to her?

Why would I want Hamburger if I have *Goulash at home?

*Okay, ‘Premurski Bograc’… but c’mon – which is funnier?

food

Part 2 – Coming Soon!  ‘Trump Grilled by Liz Cheney’!

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