[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
‘Have you idiots learned nothing? America, your Munich is today. Stop Trump now or prepare for civil war! This is not a drill!’ – Churchill
HEAVEN’S GATE — Speaking directly from the right-hand of God, former British prime minister and World War II superhero, Sir Winston Churchill, last night thunderously denounced the “phony election” of Donald Trump to the U.S. presidency.
He went on: “What, did the millions of us up here, the so-called Greatest Generation, endure all that blood, toil, sweat and tears defeating Hitler and Mussolini so that you, our worthless children and grandchildren, could give it all away again? And to that?”
He gestured contemptuously at a picture of Donald Trump grabbing a pussy. “Never have so many given up so much for so little,” he said angrily.
“Anyone can see your presidential election was rigged. Hillary won the most votes, by far, but Donald gained the prize. That’s not government of the people by the people.
“In other words, the outcome was fixed, and let me tell you from up here we could see that it was. It was a horrible thing to watch. Jesus and all the angels are still weeping.”
The great man took a puff from his eternally lit cigar. “Not me, though,” he said in his gravelly growl.
“Wake up, America! Your Munich is now! Strangle the babe before it grows into a man, Today it’s 1938, the tipping point.
“After he’s sworn in, you’ll be fighting against the whole US government and the presidency itself.
“Now at least he’s still just president-elect. It will be a nasty fight but not nearly as nasty as when he’s President for Life. Don’t think it couldn’t happen!”
Churchill clamped his cigar between his teeth and gave his distinctive V for Victory gesture.
“Announce that the rigged election is void! Let Obama declare martial law, if necessary. Trump is a national emergency – indeed, a world emergency. This may sound extreme but it’s nothing compared to what will come later if you don’t.
“Yes, Humanity, once more I am vox clamatis in deserto, the voice crying in the wilderness. But remember I was right before and now sit at the right hand of God. Or at least pretty close.”
As the heavenly signal wavered, Churchill added: “Defend your freedoms, whatever the cost may be! Fight Fascism on the beaches, in the streets and in the air!”
His voice and image fading, Churchill’s last words rang out like a commandment from God Almighty himself:
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