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Elon Musk Makes Bid to Buy America

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Musk’s thirst for control widens from merely controlling social media, as he seeks to buy America at a cut-rate price.

With his bid to buy Twitter on hold, Elon Musk, the world’s richest human being, has turned his attention to purchasing something else he has always wanted to own… The United States of America.

Elon Musk to buy America
Elon Musk pulls out the rocket in his pocket. Adapted from a photo by NORAD and USNORTHCOM Public Affairs, Public Domain.

With an estimated net worth of roughly 236 billion dollars today, Musk did not approach the Biden administration about the impending purchase. Instead, he he approached the Chinese Bank of Quong Bong, which owns 42 percent of America’s 30 trillion dollar national debt.

According to SNN financial reporter Robin Peter T’Payepaulle, Mr. Musk has offered the bank 87 cents on the dollar to buy America, in a lump cash payment to be transferred immediately. He told the bank that it would take 358 centuries to have America pay off the debt.

According to Mr. Musk, he would fire President Biden and dissolve Congress, and run the country himself. “Run it the right way. America could be a money-making entity!” he said.

But according to reports, Mr.Musk is not the only billionaire interested in buying the country. It is reported that Slobovia’s richest woman, Greta Grabbo, is looking into it, as is American Wyatt Slurpe, the snow cone king.

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Ted Holland