[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

NRA Members Defy Leadership, Start ‘Guns for Ukraine’

Some NRA members say they stand with Ukraine, even though their leadership doesn’t, and are launching “Guns for Ukraine.”

NRA members are flying planes to Ukraine to deliver bullets and weapons. The airlift is part of a “Guns for Ukraine” program, which apparently puts members at odds with NRA leadership. According to press reports, the NRA has accepted money from Russia, which invaded Ukraine last winter.

Bombs and Bullets Kill, Not mRNA Vaccines

guns for Ukraine
Civilians in Kyiv preparing Molotov cocktails. Photo: Yan Boechat/VOA, Public Domain.

Phillip Nikita, an assault weapons enthusiast, spoke for thousands of NRA members at a morning press conference. He made his remarks as he stood near the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia. He said, “Our newspapers are filled with allegations of government tyranny these days. Well, I can tell you, Ukrainians are dying from Russian bombs and bullets, not masks and mRNA vaccines. We want to help Ukrainians oppose Russian tyranny and beat back the Russian invasion.”

Despite inaction from NRA brass, Nikita said the airlift to Ukraine started after the NRA ended its convention in Houston last weekend. However, he declined to comment on whether the “Guns for Ukraine” effort is a slap in the face of leadership. Nikita noted, “Yes, it is true that our leaders got money from Russia. But we can only speak for ourselves. Responsible gun owners use weapons for hunting and defensive purposes only.”

American Weapon Maker Wants Good Publicity

Nikita said gun owners also delivered a check  to Ukraine for $3 million dollars. He added, Ukrainians will use most of the money to buy military-style assault rifles, because “we got the Ukrainians a great deal with an American firm.” He attributed the deal to “tons of bad ink the company got after bad guys spilled the blood of innocent Americans.” Fortunately, Nikita said, “This deal puts their weapons of war in a good light. The world will see proud citizens of Ukraine fight the Russian bear.”

Nikita concluded, “Now we’ll learn what Putin really thinks about Second Amendment remedies. He may not send our leadership any more money.”

Steve Schneider