[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

McCarthy: ‘The Country Bears’ Responsibility for January 6th

House Minority Leader accuses bear band supergroup “The Country Bears” of inciting the January 6th insurrection.

House Minority leader Kevin McCarthy today revealed that a Republican-led investigation into January 6th has uncovered startling new evidence implicating popular bear band “The Country Bears” as the real culprits behind the 2021 insurrection.

Country Bears
McCarthy: It was all “The Country Bears” fault.

“These so-called ‘country’ bears have no love for their country whatsoever!” he explained. “They’re nothing more than a bunch of liberal elitist hacks trying to make Donald Trump look bad.

“We’ve linked them to all kinds of un-American organizations such as Disney, the ACLU and Bear Lives Matter. We’ve established ties between them and left-wing radicals Queen Latifah, Elton John and the Care Bears. And who else would have the infrastructure and resources to pull off such a massive conspiracy? It all makes perfect sense!”

Republicans claim eye witness testimony from numerous sources will prove their case. This includes well-known banker Reid Thimple, innocent bystander Benny Bogswaggle, police officers Cheets and Hamm, as well as their “star” witness, Florida Governor Rick Desantis. A subpoena has also been issued for Mickey Mouse.

“We’ll get to the truth if it kills us!” McCarthy pledged.

Ralph Lombard