[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Mariah Carey’s Bid to Trademark Queen of Hanukkah Not Kosher

After trying to trademark “Queen of Christmas,” Mariah Carey is being roundly criticized for a second application.

The other shoe has dropped. In the midst of her fight to trademark “Queen of Christmas,” Mariah Carey has launched a second application with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. The 53-year old pop singer is trying to trademark the title “Queen of Hanukkah.” This would allow that she alone could market a trademarked line of Hanukkah foods, sportswear, perfume, jewelry and even a traditional Hanukkah menorah (candelabra) that bears nine images of Carey’s face.

Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey in “Fiddler on the Roof.”

In support of her application, the singer argues that her recently recorded duet with Adam Sandler, reprising his “Hanukkah Song” from Saturday Night Live (1994), and her current Broadway revival of “Fiddler on the Roof” (with Carey playing the title role, and featuring her best-selling pop songs in the new score) constitute proof that she is inseparably linked to Hanukkah.

Critics, like singers Elizabeth Chan and Darlene Love (who both petitioned against Carey’s Queen of Christmas bid) are outraged. “This is absurd. Utter nonsense.” wrote Love on social media. “Mariah’s not even Jewish”. Chan was more pointed, “Just an out-and-out Queen grab! It’s like Trump-speak: if you say something out loud, often enough, you think it’s reasonable”.

Carey responded with restraint. “First of all, many of my best friends know people who know other people who know a few Jewish people. Second, what happened to the diversity we’re all supposedly fighting for? If not a shvartzer shiksa for Hanukkah Queen, then who?

Carey and her team offered no comment on rumors that the singer will also be trying to trademark Queen of Ramadan and Queen of Diwali.

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