[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Anti-Abortion Activists Lobby to Arm Fetuses

Second Amendment rights should be give to the unborn, say anti-abortion activists.

In Georgia, a fetus now qualifies for tax credits and child support and is to be included in population counts and redistricting. And now, anti-abortion activists are looking to add the Second Amendment to the rights of the unborn.

anti-abortion activists arm fetusAs one activist stated: “Just because a fetus doesn’t HAVE arms doesn’t mean it shouldn’t BEAR arms.”

And to further their cause, the NRA has already financed the manufacture of microscopic weaponry called weaponettes. Dwayne LaDouche, a spokesman for the NRA said, “We have the technology to do surgery in-utero, there’s no reason why we can’t miniaturize firearms and mobilize the unborn.”

The following is an excerpt obtained from an NRA study of 3500 pregnant volunteers. “Weaponettes were inserted into the wombs of hosts.  87% of hosts awoke during the procedure, despite being given deep sedation. 78.6% of hosts experienced irreparable damage to the lining of their uterus. 92.3% of hosts surveyed reported severe to excruciating discomfort after the procedure. However, 4.3% of weaponettes floated into the vicinity of the fetus, with .003% close to the developing hand.” The NRA deemed the study a success and awarded participants free MAGA hats.

When asked if the weaponettes were loaded, LaDouche responded: “Of course not. That would be nuts.”

Lesley Leben