[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

‘Soup Nazi’ Marjorie Taylor Greene Aspires to be Anointed America’s Queen

The notorious MTG announces VP isn’t good enough, she’d prefer to be America’s Queen, with even Donald Trump bowing down to her.

U.S. Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene has announced she intends to be anointed America’s Queen in conjunction with Donald Trump seeking to become president again.

America's Queen
America’s Queen in her own mind, Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Greene said she has no interest in being president herself, considering the position “beneath me” and that Trump can have that job if he so wishes.

As Queen of the United States, Greene said she will expect all her subjects to bow down to her to show their obedience and loyalty to her rule.

Even Trump as president would have to walk two paces behind her, she said, and it may be that like any commoner, he’d have to kiss her ring as well. Greene said, however, she’s unsure if Trump will agree to do that right away, since he believes everyone should kiss his ass, not to mention he’s a germophobe. If that’s the case, Greene said she’ll make sure one of her servants polishes the Queen’s ring to ensure it’s nice and clean for the former President to give it a quick buss.

Greene, who won re-election to Congress from Georgia on November 8, said that while it was “okay” being a U.S. Congresswoman for a time and that she accomplished so much in that job, it was her “destiny” to ascend to the royal throne since so many admirers worship the very ground she walks on. Greene said her biggest surprise being a Congresswoman and what made her realize she had a much higher calling in life was that, unlike her serving her constituents 24/7, “many members in Congress don’t actually work.”

What America needs to be great again, said Greene, is a Queen where her subjects better understand that no matter what, they will be forbidden to give her any lip since everything she says and does as Queen will be brilliant.

The new Queen Greene said one of her first acts as Monarch will be to order the U.S. Congress to outlay funding for a new palace befitting a royal highness of her caliber that will overlook the city of Washington, D.C. A good place to build it, she said, would be atop Arlington Cemetery, replacing the old Arlington House mansion that’s presently there. On the tiny little matter of how much she’ll earn as Queen, Greene said she wouldn’t be greedy, asking only a modest yearly salary of $58 million, about what Queen Elizabeth II made as ruler of the United Kingdom.

Dubbed the “Soup Nazi Greene” after she confused gazpacho, a chilled tomato soup, with Nazi Germany’s secret police force, the Gestapo, the Republican legislator said “everyone occasionally makes a harmless slip-up. I mixed up two words. So what? People are too sensitive about such crap.”

Greene used that occasion to turn the attention back to “Sleepy Joe Biden,” (who she refers to as “Hitler”). She mocked the President, saying he “doesn’t even know the words coming out of his mouth practically all the time.”

Greene’s slip-up came when she slammed House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s “gazpacho police spying on members of Congress, spying on the legislative work that we do, spying on our staffs, and spying on American citizens that want to come talk to their representatives.” In a little innocent aside, Greene once suggested that Pelosi could be executed for treason, which, as America’s Queen, she could order in a heartbeat.

“She’s a traitor to our country, she’s guilty of treason,” Greene said about her Congressional colleague. “It’s a crime punishable by death is what treason is.”

The statement regarding gazpacho police calls to mind the “Seinfeld” TV episode where a so-called “Soup Nazi” scared his customers half to death when making their soup orders to him at his restaurant. Of course, there’s always some nasty little smart aleck who in making fun of the Congresswoman’s innocuous little faux pas, said there would be “no cold soup” for her.

Asked about the propriety of America crowning a queen since this country fought a revolution starting in 1775 to get rid of King George III’s rule and that of any of his successors once and for all, Queen Bee Greene said in a royal huff, fitting for a queen, “that was then. This is now. We need a Queen to ensure America is number one, and I humbly say I will make a great Royal Highness, no matter whether some Antifa nutjob or commies like Pencil Neck Adam Schiff or Elizabeth Pocahontas Warren don’t like it.”

Asked who would actually do the anointing of her as Queen when that momentous day arrives, Greene said her favorite choices would come down to another royalty, Dolly Parton, the queen of country music as a show of women power, or Tucker Carlson of the Fox News Channel who donated to Greene’s reelection campaign. News reports say Carlson’s donation was connected to a bid he placed on a rifle Greene was auctioning off as a campaign fundraiser.

However, if both Dolly Parton or Tucker Carlson are unavailable, Greene said she’ll call on God Almighty to anoint her as the new Queen. “To save America, I’m sure God would be glad to do it,” said Greene.

Eric Green