[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Desperately Seeking Liars

Rupert Murdoch, owner of Fox News, stuns the journalism world by announcing he is seeking liars — better ones.

Recently hundreds of private Fox News e-mails and text messages were unsealed as part of a defamation lawsuit filed by Dominion Voting Systems. The documents appear to show that Fox allowed baseless conspiracy theories to flourish on the air while privately acknowledging that they knew that the theories were bald face lies.

seeking liars, George Santos, DonkeyHotey
Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

In a recent interview Rupert Murdoch, the owner of Fox News stunned the journalism world when he announced that he would be terminating the contracts of Laura Ingraham and Tucker Carlson. But the reason for their dismissal wasn’t because they lied — it’s because Mr. Murdoch recently discovered that there are better liars out there. As he observed, “our listeners want to hear more lies. The bigger the whopper the better.”

Murdoch went on to say that he is seeking liars to fill Fox host positions. For example, he is replacing Laura Ingraham with George Santos, aka Anthony Devolder aka Anthony Zebrovsky. “Ingraham was a good fibber, but Santos is far better,” he said.

That’s probably because he has the superior male lying gene which makes men inherently better at spouting untruths. Most men have the gene which explains why throughout history the best liars have been male — take Bernie Madoff, Charles Ponzi, Pinocchio and The Boy Who Cried Wolf for example. Sidney Powell is the exception that proves the rule.

The owner of Fox News continued by saying “that little scamp Santos is a masterful fabricator. He’s like Fletcher Reede (of Liar,Liar fame) except that, instead of being unable to lie, George is unable to tell the truth. Our viewers will love him. So, we had to get him under contract before News Max grabbed him.”

I think an additional benefit of bringing George onto the Fox team is that he will, no doubt, pull in some listeners from groups that Fox News hasn’t done well with including Catholics who identify as Jewish and drag queens.

Murdoch then said that he planned to offer Carlson’s job to Alex Murdaugh. “I watched him testify in his recent trial and that man spin a tale” he exclaimed. “One juror said that Murdaugh was a good liar but not good enough. That may be true in a murder trial, but he is definitely good enough for Fox News. I especially enjoyed the way he employed tears to be more convincing. Carlson never brought on the tears. And I loved the way Murdaugh was able to concoct such a story without his pants catching on fire. It was amazing.”

The owner of Fox News further explained these moves by quoting A.A. Milne who once said, “If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name.”

And by God, Fox News deserves the name.

JC Wade
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