[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Unveils New Product

Today the 45th president came out in an infomercial hawking a new product, “Trump Tube Steaks.”

In the run-up to the 2024 presidential election, former president Donald J. Trump has been pulling out all the stops to glean money from an electorate desperate for victory at the ballot boxes. Today the 45th president came out in an infomercial hawking a new product, “Trump Tube Steaks” — a six-ounce wiener made of Angus beef and sawdust filler.

new product tube steak
Trump’s new product already on the streets. Photo: Lee LeFeve, flicker.com, CC BY-NC 2.0

According to Trump, these wieners, at 4 1/2 inches in length, and touted as “life-size” will be available at Shop n’ Save, Kroger’s and Walmart grocery stores beginning Oct. 1. So far, reactions to this latest Trump product have been mixed. “I used the Trump Tube Steaks for more than a week,” claimed Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R.Ga), but then they started to go bad and so I had to eat them. They were,” she said, “a religious experience.”

Others were not so positive in their reactions. “I always knew that Trump was a wiener,” said political rival Chris Christie, “but this is a real disappointment. It don’t even fill up your buns!”

What’s next? Trump is in discussions with Subway to develop a signature three-bean salad and is negotiating with McDonald’s to offer a “Big Trump” sandwich featuring whale blubber and corned beef, in time for St. Patrick’s Day, several months before the 2024 presidential election.

Bill Tope
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