[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump: “I’m Still a Very Stable Genius!”

Ex-president claims to ace test for mental acuity, says he is still a “very stable genius.”

Despite indications to the contrary, former President and front-running contender for the Republican presidential nomination Donald J. Trump maintains that he’s is still a “very stable genius.”

very stable genius
As part of the test, subjects are asked to draw a clock. Trump drew this “very fine, very stable clock.”

As evidence of his cognitive ability, Trump has repeatedly cited his performance on an examination of mental acuity, on which he reportedly scored well. While president, in 2018, Trump took the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, or MoCA, which he said he aced. The test, developed by Dr. Ziad Nasreddine, a Canadian neurologist, was invented to test for signs of dementia and other cognitive decline. Nasreddine said that Trump scored positive for dementia and is in decline. But Trump doesn’t interpret the results in that way.

The test was given by Trump’s White House doctor at the time, Navy Rear Adm. Ronny Suckup, who administered the MoCA at Trump’s request. From the exam’s results, Suckup told reporters, Trump was “very sharp and very articulate,” for a man who is only fractionally mentally impaired. The former admiral, now a congressman from Texas, was unavailable for comment and is reportedly busy working with Texas Governor Greg Abbott to accrue buoys and razor wire in order to secure the state’s border with the Rio Grande River.

In contrast to Trump’s self-congratulations for mental acuity, on Friday, Trump blasted his principal rival for the Republican nomination, former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley, for “refusing troops to offset the riots at the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021,” ostensibly confusing Haley with former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. When questioned on the error, Trump spokesman Steve “Mad Dog” Bannon replied that with Haley and Pelosi, “It is a distinction without a difference.”

Trump has been boasting about his “amazing” performance on the MoCA since 2020 when, on Fox News, he said that he was asked to repeat five words in their proper order: “Woman. Pussy. Man, Entitlement, Screw.” Said Trump: “I’m not sure why, but it was so easy to remember those words. I guess I’m still just a very stable genius.”

Bill Tope