[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Celebrates Black History Month

Trump appears in Louisiana’s capital city to help celebrate Black History Month.

Baton Rouge, LA — Still-President Trump appeared in Louisiana’s capital city last night to help celebrate Black History Month. With him on stage at the Old State Capitol building were Louisiana’s foremost political figures: Sen. John Kennedy and newly christened House Speaker Mike Johnson.

Louisiana Old State Capitol building, Black History Month.
Louisiana’s Old State Capitol building, where Trump spoke about Black History Month.

Trump began the event by lavishly praising Kennedy and Johnson, noting that both men have had distinguished careers in “dealing with the Black thing.”

“Speaker Mike Johnson,” bawled Trump, “wrote the forward to Scott McKay’s best seller, The Revivalist Manifesto, a seminal book on the inimical influence on underachievers by BLM, the movement to defund the police, and other shitty stuff. It explains more fully the ‘White Man’s Burden.’ Kipling: God, you gotta love it. I encourage everyone to read this book. I won’t, of course, but the Trump PAC will receive a donation for every copy sold. Like my pal Lindsey said, ‘send a dollar to poor President Trump.'”

The crowd roared. Banners touting Proud Boys and Oath Keepers were brandished among the 350 invitation-only attendees.

“And Senator Kennedy,” said Trump, “laid it on the line, nailed it on the head the other day on Fox News, when he said that, without U.S. foreign aid, Mexicans would be living in tents behind Outback Steakhouses, eating cat food out of cans.”

The crowd roared. “Well, maybe that’s not right,” Trump conceded thoughtfully, but then delivered the punchline. “Make it an Applebee’s or a Taco Bell. Those beaners,” he murmured, shaking his head. It’s sad,” he said. The crowd laughed appreciatively.

Trump: “Everyone in our society, has his rightful place. No one should be left out; I’m touting inclusiveness, CNN,” he said, pointing a plump finger at a reporter from that network. The crowd began to grow restless and imprecations could be heard throughout the venue. “No, don’t kill her,” cautioned the ex-president. “But if you do, I’ll pay your legal bills.”

“Louisiana,” Trump barked out, “has one of the largest Black population percentages in the nation; but, in spite of that disability, the state has made great strides in recent years. The incarceration rate is number one in the land.” More cheers.

“Did you know,” asked Trump, “that a Black man in Louisiana is six times more likely to be imprisoned than in any other nation on earth?!”

And on that high note, Trump and his retinue waved at the crowd and made their exit.

Bill Tope