[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Tours Florida ‘Hot Babes in Lockup’ with Matt Gaetz

Part of a promotional tour for a proposed “Hot Babes in Lockup” series set to be produced by a new Truth Social network.

“I love being here,” remarked former President Donald J. Trump warmly. Trump sauntered through the locker room of the Hillsborough Girls Academy Juvenile Offender Center in Tampa, FL on Friday, led by Rep. Matt Gaetz (R. FL). “They let you do anything when you’re a celebrity,” purred Trump. “They let you grab them by the pu….”

hot babes
‘Hot babes’ prisoners dressed and paraded out for Trump and Gaetz. Photo (adapted): paulStarPics, flickr.com, CC BY-NC 2.0.

“This way, Mr. President,” urged Gaetz, hurrying the ex-president through the facility.

Trump was there as part of a promotional tour for a proposed “Hot Babes in Lockup” series set to be produced by his Truth Social network. Sean Spicer has been selected to produce the six-part series; Reichsfuhrer Steven Miller was hired as director of both security and discipline.

“Remember,” Trump told the two dozen girls, aged 13-17, “if you’re in for a federal beef, I’ll have full powers to pardon once I’m elected. And, if it’s a state infraction, your soon-to-be-Governor Matt Gaetz will hold the same power.” The girls, many half-dressed, perked up at this and gaped at the two men. “This is just like Miss Teen America,” observed Trump, drawing a great breath and letting it out.

Trump’s silent partner in the production of “Hot Babes” is Philadelphia billionaire and Tik Tok impresario Jeff Yass. When asked by reporters, Trump stated unequivocally that Yass’s reported financial stake in Trump Media had no bearing on the former president’s policy reversal which now allows for a hands-off approach to the huge social media platform Tik Tok. Yass has a $22 billion stake in that company.

Signing autographs for the girls, Trump said wistfully, “If only Jeffrey could be here…”

Bill Tope
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