[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Touts Eugenics as ‘Key to the Future’

Trump endorses eugenics as the “greatest party platform ever.”

In an effort to offset criticism that the 2024 Republican party has no platform, presumptive presidential candidate Donald J. Trump has come forth with a robust endorsement of eugenics.

eugenics, Francis Galton
Portrait of Francis Galton by Charles Wellington Furse, Public Domain.

Eugenics, the selection of desirable inheritable traits to ensure their proliferation in future generations, originated in the 19th century, reached its pinnacle of popularity in the 1930s and fell into disfavor following defeat of the eugenicist Nazi regime in WWII. Trump said it is “now time to get our house in order.” The ex-president made the announcement from the north portico at his Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida on Saturday.

The term eugenics was coined in 1883 by explorer and naturalist Francis Galton, a cousin of Charles Darwin.

Trump said he supports both “positive eugenics” and “negative eugenics.” The former entails efforts to “breed” suitable partners to produce a superior race; the latter involves deterring the conjoining of so-called “inferior stock” with “normal” members of society. Citing as an example of positive eugenics, Trump pointed to the marriage of his daughter Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner. “They’re both pretty, they’ve both rich, they’re both hungry,” he noted with satisfaction.

As an example of negative eugenics, Trump cited harsher immigration standards, involuntary sterilization and proscriptive marital unions. “You can take the vermin out of the shit hole, rhapsodized Trump, “but you can’t take the shit hole out of the vermin.”

Trump once again touted the proposed Vermin Containment Facilities (VCFs) he has proposed building in the American Southwest. These venues would contain the estimated 13.1 million illegals presently in the United States, as well as “All the nigras in our costly American prisons, the homeless, the insane, book-readers and LGBTQs and other nettlesome populations. America should be for normal Americans,” he shouted. He cited the economic return of such a venture, saying “Who says anyone has to have three meals a day?”

Last week, Reichsfuhrer Steven Miller, whom Trump intends to place in charge of the eugenics program, gave the effort a name: Rassenhygiene (racial hygiene) which the Germans practiced before and during the second world war.

The price tag for Rassenhygiene, estimated by the Congressional Budget Office to be more $500 billion over the next ten years, will be offset, Trump claimed, by reductions in Medicaid, Medicare, Food Stamps and “all that Commie nonsense.”

Bill Tope
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