Trump's Bogus Outing Was No Picnic - Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

Trump discovers his model wife is one Sandwich short of a Picnic!

No picnic: Okay folks – just like Rand Paul, I wasn’t invited (or uninvited) to the White House Congressional Picnic either – but I got the gossip!

I heard our 1st Lady doth protesteth too much! Seems she doesn’t like Ants in her pants, Bees in her bonnet or Flies on her Apple Pan Doody!

Dowdy, Dowdy! haha

That’s right! In the first 20 minutes, Melania kvetched that her Picnic Basket wasn’t Gucci, broke her heel during the 3 legged race & tasted Potato Salad for the very first time!

MELANIA

At home we throw this at Pigs! Sueeee!

DONALD TRUMP

Try these Baked Beans, Mahalia.

MELANIA

It’s Melania, Stupid! What’s that swimming in that bowl with them?

DONALD

Ham Hocks.

MELANIA

At home we…

DONALD

Shut up, Melinda! Nobody wants to know you never saw a Baked Bean before!

MELANIA

Can we sit on blanket & fool around?

DONALD

Calm down, girl! This blanket is a prop, I don’t sit on the ground because I can’t get up & this ‘President Gig’ is just acting.

MELANIA

Yeah, I’ve been meaning to tell you – it seemed fake.

DONALD

I just don’t know how to be president!

MELANIA

Smoke & Minnows?

DONALD

Mirrors! Mirrors! How many years in this country!

MELANIA

So you’re ‘Wagging the cats & the dogs’?

DONALD

Don’t ever say ‘The Cats & the Dogs’ again! But yeah, that’s what I’m good at – disruptions! This week: Hog-tie Senator Alex Padilla! Insult California’s Gov. Gavin Newsom! And, Stormy’s in town!

MELANIA

She is?

DONALD

Yes, she calls & wants me – but who doesn’t! What’s another $130,000!

MELANIA

You think I don’t know when you’re with another women?

DONALD

Woman, not women! Immigrant!

MELANIA

Don’t call me that & I won’t call you Herr Drumpf!

DONALD

Okay, okay Mein Arm Candy.

MELANIA

You know I speak 5 languages – but what is ‘A candy arm’?

DONALD

And I have ‘the best words’ in just one language!

MELANIA (under her breath)

If you like ‘Word Salads’!

DONALD

You’re good enough to eat – that’s what it means.

MELANIA

Good Save – but I go to Giggle.

DONALD

‘Google’, dummy! But, it was a great Military Parade wasn’t it, honey? Glad you could come & frown.

MELANIA

I do not frown! You know what I think – you were a little off your game.

DONALD

OH YEAH! Well, I almost got The Green Berets to do ‘The Goose Step’!

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha