In a written statement, Jordan’s King Abdullah announces that the Jordanian people are a race of superheroes.
Jordan’s King Abdullah announced yesterday in a written statement that he is a superhero, and that the Jordanian people are a race of superheroes, because of the Middle Eastern country’s invisibility.
“Day before yesterday, I read for the thousandth time in the American media that Israel is America’s only ally in the Middle East,” the king said. “Then I perused the documents that declared my country a major non-NATO ally of the U.S. three decades ago, and our trade agreements, and assorted documents related to our close cooperation with U.S. military and intelligence entities going back more than seventy years, and at last I understood, thanks be to God.”
Abdullah, 63, released additional remarks to the global media on audiotape earlier today, noting that use of video would have been fruitless for obvious reasons.
“I feel exalted to discover that I am a superhero at the head of a whole race of them,” he said, “but also humbled by my errors. All these years, I and my father before me have fretted about our country’s neighbors being Syria, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, and Israel, but now I know that none of them can even see us, at least I suppose not, because the Americans can’t, and Americans don’t miss much.”
Abdullah also said he wished to defend former President Barack Obama, who in 2016 encountered some criticism for a twenty-minute meeting with the king in an airport lounge, treatment the president’s detractors found perfunctory.
“I now realize what a brave man your president was,” the king said. “He risked his entire reputation on meeting with a man no one could see. What mockery he might have endured for the rest of his life, and I fear that I might have become known as King Harvey.”
Educated in the United States and United Kingdom, Abdullah served in the Jordanian army as a tank commander, paratrooper, and helicopter pilot en route to becoming a major general in command of all Jordanian special forces.
“I was proud of my achievements as a man at arms,” the king said, “but to be a superhero is a thrill beyond description.”
Palace officials said the king would like to issue new currency and postage stamps to commemorate the news, but that imagery would be problematic. They also noted that a national “We Are All Superheroes” holiday was in the early planning stages but would present unprecedented practical difficulties.
Abdullah urged Jordanians to remain humble.
“These are challenging times for us, learning that even the least among us is at a minimum the equal of Batman, Spiderman, or Superman,” the king said. “I hope that you will use your powers for good and that you will not gloat to your non-Jordanian friends. Above all, be pleasant to the Americans for helping us discover our true selves.”
