[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Vows to Become Dictator ‘on Day One’

Coverage of a Trump Town Hall: Trump vows to “become dictator on day one.”

by Llib Epot, Conservative Capitol Correspondent

Meeting with Fox News host Sean Hannity for a live interview in Davenport, Iowa this week, in a runup to the Iowa caucuses, former President Donald J. Trump said with a wide grin that he would “become dictator on day one,” promising to close the border and to “Drill, baby, drill, drill, drill!”

become dictator
Trump vows to “become dictator on day one,” says he’d be the “best ever.”

The studio audience cheered.

While some observers have expressed concern over Trump’s recent “heated rhetoric,” others have applauded Trump’s suggestion that petty thieves be executed.

“Shoplifters,” thundered Trump, can “expect to be shot as they leave the store. Shot!” he repeated for emphasis. Trump proposed that a “bounty” on suspected shoplifters be paid, as part of what he called his “Urban Black Laws,” which he said he would sign if it came to his desk upon assuming office.

The crowd laughed merrily and applauded.

Trump also mugged for the cameras as he mocked former Speaker Nancy Pelosi for being married “to a hammer head.” He repeated his opinion that one-time Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Mark Milley should be “hanged for treason” because he assured his Chinese counterpart that war was not imminent during the tumultuous last days of the Trump administration.

When Hannity cautiously asked the ex-president if he was sure he wanted to proceed with sending the general to the gallows, Trump seemed to reconsider and acknowledged that “drawing and quartering him with horses might in fact be preferable.”

The crowd giggled with rapture.

Regarding his legal problems, Trump suggested that “death and destruction was in the offing” in the wake of Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s indictment of Trump over the ex-president’s alleged hush money payments to a floozy that he allegedly screwed. Trump encouraged “patriots” to “go after” New York State Attorney General Letitia James for prosecuting Trump in a $250 million civil business fraud suit.

“I’ll pay your attorney fees if you main or kill someone,” he assured the crowd, telling them that he knows more about courtrooms than anyone.

While Trump’s suggestions of violence and promise to become dictator have received scant attention from the media, other political figures have received inordinate attention: e.g., “Biden’s Dog Bites Secret Service Agent” was page one news in the New York Post and a leading story on Fox News.

Trump also had something to say about the media. He has vowed to have Comcast Corp., parent company of NBC and MSNBC, investigated for treason. He has suggested a government takeover of the company.

“Oh day one,” boasted Trump, “I will appoint Steven Miller to take the reins of the company.” Trump has said that MSNBC has no redeeming value, although he would “like to nail MSNBC host Ana Cabrera.”

Bill Tope