[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Game of Groans: George RR Martin Health in Question

George RR Martin pontificates on his unique style of writing

Obsessive Game of Thrones fans are truly worried about their beloved author, George RR Martin. Why? Well, he doesn’t look so great. He’s obese, he’s 65, and he wears Crocs, but what they really want to know is whether he will still be around to finish the series.

game of thrones author George RR Martin
George RR Martin.

Fear not, Martin had an answer for them. And one, rather stumpy looking finger.

In a recent interview with Swiss daily Tages Anzieger, the question of whether he will live long enough to finish A Song Of Ice and Fire was asked.

“Are you kidding me? I find that question pretty offensive, frankly, when people start speculating about my death and my health, so f**k you to those people,” the bearded grump replied.

And just in case the message wasn’t entirely clear, he then produced the middle finger. George RR Martin continued, “Some of you mock my love of Garth Brooks … some of you hate my other work … some of you don’t want me doing interviews because my physical appearance ruins the romanticism associated with Game of Thrones.”

“I am 65 years old and fat, and you don’t want me to ‘do a Robert Jordan’ on you and deny you the book that your pitiful existence rests upon. For your information, I just finished the Insanity workout. That Shaun T is a real bastard, but he pushed me, both physically and mentally.”

Before the interview concluded, the author snapped: “I can’t write more than one word at a time … I know my writing style, I don’t write when I travel, I don’t write in hotels, I don’t write on airplanes, I don’t write on trains, I write at home, on the toilet, my own God damn toilet, so if you could please excuse me, duty calls.”

John Glynn