[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Ever the Innovator, Apple Announces Pocket Version of its New Digital Watch

‘Some people don’t like to wear things on their wrists’ – Apple CEO Tim Cook

CUPERTINO, CA — Following the recent announcement of its new “Dick Tracy”-style wrist watch, Apple today released details of a new companion timepiece called the iPocket, designed to be carried rather than worn.

Apple Tim Cook and the iPocket
Apple CEO Tim Cook Introduces the new iWatch companion, iPocket.

“Research shows that some individuals don’t like to wear things on their wrists,” said Apple spokesperson Granny Smith, quoting CEO Tim Cook. “So we are releasing a slightly larger companion version of the Apple Watch without a strap. We’re calling it the iPocket because users will be able to carry it conveniently in a pocket or purse.”

Granny Smith noted that the iPocket resembles the new iWatch in every way except for its wrist band and slightly larger size. Housed in an elegant rectangular frame made of aluminum or — for the one-percent market, 18 carat gold studded with precious stones — the iPocket will also feature a small digital keyboard for texting, typing in phone numbers, and other data-entry functions.

A variety of gold and aluminum pocket-watch chains, resembling their Victorian-era predecessors, will also be available. To access the watch, owners pull on the chain until it appears. After use it is returned to the pocket.

Asked how the iPocket and iWatch were functionally different from the familiar iPhone that almost every one uses, Ms Smith replied that they were “of course” completely dissimilar.

“The iPhone is a phone that also tells the time,” she explained. “Whereas the iWatch is a watch that also makes phone calls. Functionally, they’re as different as Tim Cook and Steve Jobs.”

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Michael Egan
Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it's going to take a new generation to acknowledge it. Check out his website, Editorial and Political Cartoons.