[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Police Excuses for Assaulting a 15 y/o Bikini Clad Barefoot Girl

Throwing a fifteen year old girl to the ground who poses no threat is ‘just the way we roll,’ say police.

Here are the top excuses offered by McKinney Police:

“She might have had an Uzi in her panties.”

“She could be a Kung-Fu expert and have attacked all nine of us and beaten us up.”

McKinney Police at pool party“I was just practicing tackling small black girls, then working my way up slowly to bigger black males.”

“They could have had this whole pool party rigged with explosives, Columbine style, and she was running to set them off.”

“There is always the possibility that she is an ISIS sympathizer and had explosives in her bikini top.”

“They are really all Black Panther junior members and she is the President. One word from her and they would have all turned to savages and torn us to pieces.”

“They are all agents for al Queda and the whole pool party ruckus was just a lure to bring us in and drown us.”

“The parents she was yelling for her friends to get were really Angela Davis and Stokely Carmichael.”

“They are part of a secret sect bent on tempting and subverting our proud officers by enticing them with bikini wearing young 15 year olds. The officer was merely protecting his virginity by preventing her from ravishing him.”

“They all have a communicable disease and are using the water in the pool to infect the whole city.”

“Those bumps on her chest were really grenades.”

“I pulled on her braids because I thought they were concealed sticks of dynamite.”

“We just wanted to feel up a black, young, lithesome, teenage girl.”

“They are all teenage zombies and this is the start of the Apocalypse.”

“We just wanted to take out our frustrations on a bunch of punk black kids.”

Roger Freed