Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Pics show just how crazy Woodstock really was
I’m guessing that’s the concert, not Snoopy’s bird friend.
Europe: Dinosaurs left continent during early Cretaceous Period, study finds
Citing the French rudeness as the primary reason.
Meth lab bust ends in arrest of McCain fundraiser
On the upside, it shows some Republicans are into science.
Bernie’s road to White House just got tougher
It now includes buying a ticket and waiting on line…
Cruz picks Fiorina to run as his VP
The announcement was made from a call center in Mumbai.
Boehner unleashed: Ex-speaker calls Cruz ‘Lucifer’
Lucifer pissed at comparison.
Entire building full of Isis cash destroyed – GOP is completely silent
In fairness, it may be a moment of silence for their love of cash.
Founder of K-Tel Records, Philip Kives, dies at 87
At his funeral, visitors were seated by whether they were born in the 60s, 70s, 80s, or 90s.
North Korea: President Obama rejects nuclear offer after country launches missile from submarine
Or, as some parts of the U.S call it ‘a hoagie.’
Trump is calling John Kasich ‘1 for 43 Kasich’
Which either refers to Kasich’s showing in the primaries or he’s been batting cleanup for the Padres.
Scientists discover large coral reef at mouth of Amazon
Not to be confused with a chubby Jimmy Buffett follower known as a Large Coral Reefer.
Japan’s X-2 stealth fighter has test flight
Or, so they say.
House names Bison national animal
Interesting, coming from a place usually known for its bull.
The Latest: Bobby Knight says Trump has the ‘guts’ to use A-Bomb
Knight saying Trump has the guts to drop an A-Bomb, caused the rest of us to drop a few F-Bombs.