[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

The Fly that Landed on Trump’s Head: Exclusive Interview!

‘I have no idea what that stuff is made of, but it sure as hell ain’t no human follicles,’ said the dying fly from Donald Trump’s hair.

NYC – In an exclusive interview published in today’s Insect Times, the fly that got stuck in Donald Trump’s hair reported that it has “no idea what that shit is made of, but it sure ain’t anything human!”

Trump fly
Osric the fly speaks out about Donald Trump’s hair.

Speaking via Google’s new Universal Species Translator™, the dying fly, who said his name was Osric, revealed that it had landed on the candidate’s head “because it smelled so appetizing, just like baby doo-doo and about the same color and texture. I think it’s something he sprays on his fake hair to keep its threads in place.”

Osric said that as soon as he landed, Trump’s finely-spun goo “wrapped itself around me like a freaking spiderweb, like an anaconda, man, it was fucking terrifying! The more I struggled the more I couldn’t get free!

“And the fumes! Gaah! They made my multilensed corneas clog, man, it was horrible!’”

Among of the most terrifying aspects of the ordeal, the little fly sobbingly revealed, was discovering several Drosphila and Lepidoptera corpses mouldering in the hirsute Trumpian undergrowth.

“All of them were repulsively hairified,” the fly said. “Like fossilized, only grown over with that yellow stuff and stuck irremovably to his skull.”

“That was truly one of the most disgusting and nauseating experiences of my entire seven-day life,” the fly noted feelingly. “And I live on porcupine piss and camel’s vomit. Well, Trump’s hair is worse than that. A lot.”

Osric’s voice began to fade. Trump’s hairy toxicity, he gasped, had “finally done me in, and I survived the Ayatollah Khomeini’s beard. But that’s another story.”

The little green fly coughed again and the light began to fade from his beautiful, prismatic eyes.

“In the name of the Lord of the Flies,” Osric said, “don’t vote for that lunatic. Or like me you’ll never get him out of your hair.”

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Michael Egan
Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it's going to take a new generation to acknowledge it. Check out his website, Editorial and Political Cartoons.