[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

White House Adds ‘Dignity and Morality Waivers’ to Ethics Waivers

Move will ‘supplement recent ethics waivers,’ providing relief for an ‘administration beleaguered by fake moral concerns,’ said Spicer.

In a move George Orwell called “Me-ian” from the grave today via GoogleSeanceTM technology,
the White House announced they would be adding “Dignity and Morality Waivers” to the ethics waivers extended to everyone in the cabinet recently.

ethics waivers, sean spicer
Spicer: “We’re simply freeing the President from any unnecessary constraints.”

“We’re just trying to be thorough,” said Sean Spicer at the press conference where the move was announced. “We don’t want to be accused of being unethical.”

Donald Trump tweeted that, “If you’re not doing anything wrong, then why do you need these namby-pamby liberal rules? #EthicsAreForLosers.” For emphasis, he also added “tguyfzv,” a term Twitter experts said was related to his previous “covafefe” tweet, which Spicer explained today are the first words of a new, more “expressive” language President Trump is developing via Twitter.

“It will help us all understand better, in this age of fake news and alternative facts,” said Spicer. “Now that we’ve got an alternative language and morality, we can more easily develop an alternative to a health plan, without worrying about fake criticism that we’re being ‘immoral.’ This will also free the President to work on developing an alternative economy and an alternate reality.”

“Try twisting that, you fake news writers!” he added.

George Orwell said this administration is “way beyond anything I imagined” in Nineteen Eighty-Four. “Hell, I thought I was reaching deep into the dark side,” he said via GoogleSeance(TM), “but these guys act like frat boys, like they think it’s all fun and games!”

“Scary shit,” he added.

But Sean Spicer had a different take. “This administration is simply shedding excessive restraints,” he said. “By eliminating the need for these fake news constructs of ‘dignity,’ ‘morality’ and ‘ethics,'” he said, emphasizing with air quotes, “the administration will be free to do what it thinks best, without having to second-guess ourselves, or be concerned with democratic norms, or what any fake ‘dignity’ lovers think.”

“First on the agenda,” Spicer announced, “will be to eliminate all health care insurance restraints via presidential edict — er, I mean, Executive Order — and let the free market sort it out. We expect record profits for insurance CEOs and Wall Street, and the beauty is, no one has to feel ‘guilty’ about it!”

James Israel
Social media