7 Reasons Not to Do Anything About Climate Change (Courtesy of the Republican Establishment)

Climate change: Let God handle it!

Arrogance & Presumption!

God on climate changeThe Created is not the Creator.

By trying to overwhelm the mighty forces of nature, you are giving glory to creations of God, mere mortal flesh; and not the Creator himself.

Stop playing God!

You’re down there and we… er, he… is up there!

Intelligently Designed, Designed to Be Intelligent!

If God meant us to reduce our carbon output, he would have put filter funnels in our asses.

I’ll Bring the Popcorn!

The Apocalypse is happening soon; it would be really disappointing if The Lord God Almighty came back and the world was just ‘mildly disturbed.’ Clearly, we have to make the world as messed up as possible, otherwise what’s the point?

Anyway, the Book of Revelation says that people were burned by the heat and cursed God for the wrath. And because I’m God’s real favorite, I know more than you, I know exactly what that means, how it should happen, and most importantly of all…

What I’m gonna do about it!

So show some damn humility for once in your life!

Quotes, or it Didn’t Happen!

Human beings were told to be stewards of the Earth; it doesn’t say anything about trying to “stop global warming.” If God wanted us to stop climate change, he would have said so, clearly and specifically, in the original King James English spoke by Jesus Christ himself!

Old Chestnut I

Satan put the carbon in the atmosphere to trick us.

Old Chestnut II

God put the carbon in the atmosphere to test our faith.

And finally… The Eternal Conundrum

If there is carbon in the atmosphere, how come there is still oxygen as well?!

(Originally published on GlossyNews. Here’s the Glossy News Facebook Page.)

Jonathan Ferguson