[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Probe Launched by Justice Department Careens Wildly Out of Control

Houses were slammed into by a probe that veered wildly off course, say authorities.

A probe launched by the Justice Department veered off course and slammed into houses in suburban Virginia, according to local authorities.

probe launchedAt approximately 2:32 PM on Friday, The Justice Department lost all communication with the probe. Seconds later, local residents reported seeing something spinning wildly in the air. Laura Schultz was out for a jog when she witnessed the strange event. “It looked like some sort of projectile with a contrail of smoke trailing behind.”

Local firefighters on the scene said the probe damaged several homes and completely destroyed another. Fire Captain Brad Williams explained what he saw on the ground. “I love the smell of things burning. Especially leaves. Wood and scorched earth, even better! Best part of my day!”

Luckily no injuries or deaths were reported. “This is a very nice gated community with multi-million dollar homes. It’s mostly doctors, lobbyists, and political movers and shakers who live here. I think we can accurately assume the homeowners were on the golf course. Based on the time of day where else would they be,” Captain Williams stated.

A spokesperson with the Justice Department wouldn’t give any details on where the probe was headed but did confirm that the probe, with an estimated cost of 200 million dollars, was a complete loss.

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Jason Stapelmann

Jason Stapelmann

Jason Stapelmann is a writer and former radio host from Madison, WI. He is happily married with four kids. Yes that’s right, four kids!
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