[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Angry as Name Calling Comes Back to Bite Him

His name calling tactic is coming back to bite him right in his big ol’ butt, as a new title emerges for the president: “Titanic Trump.”

Yesterday afternoon sources in the White House leaked that Trump had one of the biggest meltdown tantrums ever seen in the Oval Office, once informed that name calling is something others can use against him.

name calliing trump buttIt’s common knowledge that Trump takes great pleasure in indulging in elementary school level jabs at his critics and perceived enemies by creating juvenile-style names for them. But when an aide informed him about a new nickname made by someone else for him, all hell broke loose.

Trump appears to prefer alliteration, such as Shifty Schiff. (However, when one of his staff pointed this out to him, she received a strong rebuke for accusing him of littering.) His latest jab is at Mike Bloomberg, not only because he has the audacity to publicly criticize Trump, but even more offensive, to have substantially more money. To add insult to injury, Bloomberg is spending his own millions on his campaign without it denting his fortune, something Trump cannot publicly claim.

As a result, the only advantage Trump could find to use against Bloomberg was his own comparative hulking size, so he created the moniker: Mini Mike. Trump took great pleasure referring to Bloomberg in this manner as often as possible, followed by a crooked, Cheshire cat grin. That is, until the size issue was used to turn the tables on him.

An undisclosed source noting Trump’s obese barrel of a body in photos of him golfing, where the open suit jacket or long coat could not hide his girth came up with a name for Trump in his alliterative style: Titanic Trump. Unlike Trump’s appellations for others, however, this title had multiple levels of meaning, signaling not only his girth, but like the Titanic his predicted sinking, his clueless ignorance of dangers (be it the corona virus or Kim Jung Un), and the unfortunate possibility of taking the whole country down with him when he sinks.

In an example of “kill the messenger,” the aide who passed on the note from the creator of his new nickname that explained all the levels of meaning, was not only fired, but physically ejected from the White House as Trump began his tirade.

Trump is sure that the culprit is one of “the liberal Hollywood elites,” so he has demanded that the FBI investigate and interview all of the cast of the movie Titanic. He suspects Leonardo Di Caprio, in particular, but is having a hard time figuring out an alliterative insult using his name.

Melania is overwrought, because Titanic is her favorite movie. As she stood by with tears streaming down her face, Trump angrily shattered her DVD with a hammer, and forbade that she ever watch the movie again. He is considering an Executive Order to keep Netflix, YouTube or any other outlet from streaming the movie. Meanwhile, political cartoonists are sharpening their pencils to write Titanic Trump across a sinking ship.

Diane de Anda