COVID-19 Medical Dos and Don'ts - David Martin, Humor Times

Not every “doctor” knows what they’re talking about, especially if their COVID-19 medical advice is to treat it just like the flu.

In this new COVID-19 era, it’s often hard to know who to trust when it comes to medical advice. With around-the-clock pandemic coverage on TV, folks are inundated by all manner of sources including so-called experts. So what’s the average person supposed to do?

Usually we don’t have time to research a supposed doctor’s educational background and alleged experience. In that case, look for telltale signs such as is he or she wearing scrubs, do they have a stethoscope hanging around their neck and does their specialty end in the letters “ologist.”

Even these key signs can’t guarantee that you’re listening to a bona fide expert. One handy hint is to be suspicious of any doctors named Seuss, Jekyll or Frankenstein.

It’s also crucial that you don’t pay attention to any doctor with a one-syllable name like Oz, Phil or Drew. Although such folks may have a medical degree, they tend to spout off on any and all topics regardless of their actual knowledge.

So if you’re listening to a guy named Drew whose COVID-19 medical advice is to treat it just like the flu, or someone named Phil who cites 360,000 annual swimming pool deaths in the U. S., or a Dr. Oz who’s OK with a 2-3% mortality rate for reopening schools — don’t automatically give any credence to their views. Not every “doctor” knows what they’re talking about.

Which brings us to my next guideline: don’t take medical advice from someone who is not a doctor or a research specialist. Say someone is touting an untested anti-malarial for COVID-19 or muses out loud about ingesting or injecting a disinfectant. Even if the person is a big time VIP or a known stable genius, do take such advice with a grain of salt (but no more than a grain since more salt than that might be dangerous).

This advice also applies to any medical pronouncements coming from a Cabinet member or a White House spokesperson. Remember; these folks are trained in pivoting and doublespeak and not in the medical arts.

And don’t forget that you may be watching a source that is wholly unreliable. A helpful shorthand rule is to avoid any network or anchor named after a woodland animal such as a fox or a wolf.

Finally, don’t be concerned about anything said by any person of color living in the White House unless that color is orange.

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David Martin

Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.