Why Mitch McConnell Won’t Go to His Turtle Family Reunion this Year: Top 10

Turtle Family Reunion

Top 10 reasons Mitch McConnell won’t be going to the Turtle Family Reunion this year!

Call him a Tortoise, a Terrapin or a Sh — but his kin calls him worse!  

Memes don’t lie – Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s turtle image is my go-to for a cheap laugh. 

Turtle Family Reunion

But let’s not kid ourselves – what other snapping cold-blooded reptile could encapsulate the wrath of Americans such as this public servant!

Here’s the Top Ten reasons why his relatives say they won’t be seeing him at the Turtle Family Reunion this year!

Turtle Family Reunion

10.  Last year, he wouldn’t get off cousin Myrtle!

9.  He’ll be practicing his turtle mating mounting noises!

8.  He’ll be busy looking up his real biological parents – the Porcupine & the Armadildo!

I don’t make typos!  ha ha


7.  He has to explain to Donald Trump how they ‘get it on’ without a Karma Sutra book!

6.  He’ll be prepping for his role in the new movie “Jurassic Park II: Snakes & Other Republicans”!

5.  He can be found wading in the brackish waters of Kentucky where he’ll give you a free dip for a vote!


4.  He’ll be on the Russian Parade Float with the other 1968 Zond 5 Moon Probe Turtles!

No, I am not running out of reasons!

3.  He’ll be preparing for ‘The Biden Win’ by tweaking his Turtle Soup recipe for Campbell’s!

2.  He’ll be unavailable – he asked his Vet to duck tape his head into his shell till January 20th!

And the #1 reason why Mitch McConnell won’t be showing up at his Turtle Family Reunion this year.

Sexual Tension…

Two weeks ago his wife flipped him on his back & walked away!

   Turtle Family Reunion

Marilyn Sands