[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Magazines That HAVE Endorsed Trump

Naturally, the lamestream media have ignored the many great magazines that have endorsed the incumbent candidate, Donald J. Trump.

“Scientific American backs Biden for its first presidential endorsement in 175 years”
-- Washington Post headline, September 15, 2020    

In what some are calling a surprising move, the oldest continuously published magazine in the United States has, for the first time, endorsed a presidential candidate. Typically, the lamestream media have given prominence to a leftwing, science-based periodical and completely ignored the many other magazines that have endorsed the incumbent candidate, Donald J. Trump. Here are just a few of those publications:

magazines that have endorsed trump
One of the quality magazines that have endorsed Trump.

Conspiracy Theory Digest

The wealth of conspiracy theories promoted by the President made it almost imperative that Conspiracy Theory Digest give its full editorial support to a second term for Mr. Trump. From “Thugs on a plane” to “George Soros-funded antifa terrorists” to “Widespread voter fraud” to “Crazy coronavirus cures”, Trump has done more than any other president, and possibly any other person, to fill the pages of this magazine which reportedly is now touting a new conspiracy theory – i.e. – that Trump will serve for at least eight more years.

Porno Monthly

Porno Monthly is a prestigious news-based magazine that carries the latest reports on pornography and the adult film industry. Never before in its publishing history has this reputable journal endorsed a presidential candidate although it did come close in 1992 and 1996 when Bill Clinton was running. However, despite Clinton’s much-deserved reputation, there was no evidence that he slept with any porn stars. Such is not the case with the incumbent who has been connected with adult film star Stormy Daniels and Playmate of the Year Karen McDougal. Based on his support for the industry, it seemed only fair that the industry would support him.

COVID-19 Quarterly    

     This new scientific journal has already established itself as one of the top publications in the field of virology. Although its editorial board seldom agrees with President Trump’s pronouncements on COVID-19, they greatly appreciate his efforts in making it the world’s most famous virus and their publication number one among virus-related periodicals. But for the President’s lies, inactions and misrepresentations, it is doubtful that COVID-19 and the magazine would have achieved their current success and might well have disappeared.

Racist Weekly 

Once considered the leading race-baiting weekly in America, Racist Weekly’s circulation numbers had declined markedly in recent years. However, thanks to the efforts of Donald Trump, this periodical is once again enjoying widespread success. The President’s tacit endorsement of white power groups and his frequent racial dog whistling have helped fill the pages of Racist Weekly and tripled its circulation. It’s not surprising then that the editors have given full-throated, white-hooded support to Mr. Trump’s candidacy.

Golf World    

     Although golf and the American presidency go together like guns and ammo, this golf-based magazine has, until now, never endorsed a presidential candidate. Even given the frequent links play of previous presidents, Golf World had not deemed it necessary to throw its editorial support behind anyone. With the ascension of Donald Trump, however, things have changed. Not only does the President play golf, he also owns numerous golf courses and hotels and somehow manages to get the federal government to subsidize them. Arguably he has done as much for golf as he has for skin bronzers and thus deserves Golf World’s endorsement.

Toupees & Tiaras   

     This oddball publication has historically enjoyed a fairly limited readership given its seemingly disjointed subject matters of hairpieces and beauty pageants and thus had foresworn presidential endorsements until the arrival of Donald Trump. Mr. Trump is the first president and possibly the first person to combine the art of hair replacement with the ownership and exploitation of female beauty pageants. Toupees & Tiaras now enjoys much increased circulation thanks to its wealth of articles on hairpieces, toupees and hair weaving coupled with titillating exposes of Mr. Trump’s beauty pageant shenanigans. It’s therefore hardly surprising that Toupees & Tiaras has given an enthusiastic but somewhat cautious nod to the President.

Latest posts by David Martin (see all)
Share
Share