Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
More metal scaffolding, fencing going up around the White House
… mostly to keep out Trump’s creditors.
Poll: 38 percent of Americans plan to have Thanksgiving dinner with 10 or more people
Which will cut down the number of people at family Christmas parties.
Black hair dye drips down Rudy Giuliani’s face at presser
Any more black dye on Giuliani’s face and he could be the Governor of Virginia!
A Mississippi Republican has called for the State to ‘succeed’ from the Union over the election
Given its ranking in health, education, etc., it’ll be one of the few times Mississippi ‘succeeds.’
Obama’s memoir ‘A Promised Land’ is over 750 pages
Trump’s won’t be that long even if it repeats chapter 11 six times.
Trump blocks transition, as he refuses to accept loss
It’s like the only way to get Trump to move out of the White House is to tell him Corey Booker just moved in next door.
To see what’s up, I got out my old BlackBerry.
Trump campaign rallies led to more than 30,000 coronavirus cases, Stanford researchers say
… on the upside Trump supporters can brag they got into Stanford.
Happy 78th birthday Joe Biden
No malarkey, that.
List: Here’s where masks are and aren’t required
PSA: Reminder, if they can make you wear pants then they can make you wear a mask.
Belgian King meets secret daughter after decades of refusing to recognize her
So, no more waffling …
Georgia’s Secretary of State officially certified President-elect Biden’s win over Trump
Damn, Biden’s racked up more wins in Georgia than Nick Saban!
Couple had sex off a Florida highway in the middle of the day; Passing drivers interrupted
Well, you are supposed to call for help when someone’s been rear ended.
Donald Trump Jr. tests positive for COVID-19
… making it the first time Don Sr. got to say anything positive about Don Jr. …
- Ripping the Headlines Today, 3/21/23 - March 21, 2023
- Ripping the Headlines Today, 3/13/23 - March 13, 2023
- Ripping the Headlines Today, 3/6/23 - March 6, 2023