Trump barricade? No problem: Secret Service plan revealed.
An anonymous source has sent the Humor Times an exclusive copy of a Secret Service plan drawn up in case Trump barricades himself in the Oval Office.
There have been some signs that indicate that Trump indeed is planning to do so. First, large stores of canned beans and buckets of chicken were found hidden under a blanket in one of the closets. Last week he had a microwave and small refrigerator installed in one of the cabinets.
The Secret Service plan detailed how, when Trump retired to his bedroom in the White House, remote control locks were installed on the cabinet and closet doors, as well as to the door to the Oval office executive bathroom.
If the then former President decides to go on a hunger strike — which given his girth could last quite a while — special vents have been installed which will waft the scent of Big Mac’s constantly into the room.
Since Trump has intimated to his aides that he will call on his supporters to rally around him, the company executives have agreed to cut off his Twitter and cell phone access immediately.
The thermostat will also be controlled remotely and set at fifty degrees Fahrenheit. There is fear that these extreme measures may not be sufficient given indications of Trump’s delusional state. He has not only been insisting that he was the victor because millions of the ballots were “fake,” but is wearing his Superman t-shirt under his dress shirt daily and claims it was all a Leftist plot led by Nancy Pelosi who is really Lex Luthor in drag.
As a last resort, if the former President still refuses to leave the Oval Office, the services of the Bronx Zoo veterinarian have been enlisted. A small window has been installed in the paneling where the vet can aim his rifle loaded with a powerful elephant tranquilizer.
Because his mental stability cannot be assured once he is again conscious, he will be whisked away to awake in a secret location where a replica of the Oval Office has been constructed with access to the bathroom and his amenities restored. Fake twitter and internet feed will assure him that he still has control of the White House.
It is unclear how long his delusional state will last, but to control any danger to himself due to his likely tantrums, Xanex will be insert into the Big Macs that will be supplied throughout his stay.
The Secret Service has indicated concern about the First Lady as well. In contrast to her husband, she has been seen smiling and singing even since the Biden’s victory was announced. Last week she had all of her and Baron’s clothing and other possessions packed in trunks. She marched with them out of the White House on her way to her New York apartment, again wearing her famous jacket: “I really don’t care. Do U?”