[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Desperate After Twitter Rejection

Post Twitter rejection, he is said to be planning a new social media platform.

Observers describe Donald Trump’s present behavior in the White House as frenetic. Since his humiliating Twitter Rejection, he has not been able to sit in a chair for more than five minutes, spending the days and far into the night either pacing or meeting behind closed doors with family members.

Twitter rejectionIt was assumed that his agitation was due to the looming impeachment, but an aide revealed that his feelings of desperation stem from his Twitter rejection and being removed from other social media platforms. This aide has observed that his thumbs have been in a constant twitching motion since he was removed from Twitter.

In an attempt to help her father, Ivanka gave him her Fidget that she used in junior high school when she became agitated because she had to wait until high school for her nose job. This just increased his agitation as he kept pressing the Fidget furiously, trying to bring up a keyboard.

Trump has complained that he is still tweeting messages “in my head” and that he fears his head will get so full that it will cause a brain bleed. Family members have offered a number of suggestions for dealing with these excess thoughts. For example, they ordered that several reams of copy paper be brought into the conference room along with any aides that remained. Using an imaginary keyboard on the table, Trump then dictated what would have been tweets for the staff members, Ivanka and Lara to write on several sheets of paper.

The completed sheets were then passed on to “the boys,” Donald junior, Eric, and Jared, who turned them into paper airplanes. Trump plans to fly the paper airplanes off the White House balcony to send his thoughts and messages to his supporters.

The long term plan is to develop their own social network platform to rival Twitter, using the 2020 campaign donations that they were able to slide into a secret account. All Trump supporters will be urged to drop Twitter and join the Trump network. Unlike Twitter, there will be a small monthly fee. The word fee will never be used, referring to it instead as the Patriot’s Dues. A few groups, such as the Proud Boys, will be given free access.

This new social media company will claim that there will be no censorship, except for any negative, anti-Trump messages from liberal elites, which will be instantly purged and the name and address of the person sent to all members. Trump and the family members agreed that the name should bear some resemblance to Twitter to be “in their face.” They are currently debating between two names: “Bitter” and “Twits.”

Diane de Anda