[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

GOP Senators Unsurprised by McConnell Flip Flop

‘Swigging Mitch’ strikes again with another McConnell flip flop.

Mitch McConnell stunned much of the country when he lambasted Trump for inciting the January 6th insurrection, then voted to acquit the ex-President of all charges. Those closest to the minority leader were not surprised, calling it “just another McConnell flip flop.”

McConnell Flip Flop“Mitch has always been a swinger,” a source inside the GOP explained.

“Mitch is a man who orders hot coffee then adds ice cubes to it, requests two slices of cake so he can eat his cake and still have it, and wears a tie to bed,” the source explained.

Elaine Chao, Mitch’s wife, put out a statement: “My husband’s actions are consistent with his personality. Mitch likes things both ways. In fact, Mitch likes things all ways. Some may call it the ‘McConnell flip flop.’ We call it something else, and it keeps our marriage spicy. All I can say is that he’s quite limber despite his sickly appearance.”

Asked what he thought of Trump calling him, “Dour, sullen, and unsmiling,” McConnell insisted that he smiles frequently. “My smile and my frown look exactly alike; politically I find that very useful,” McConnell said.