Funny Women Turn the Tables - Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

I was a little hard on the Cuomo – after all, many funny women may also be guilty of “sexual harassment.”

Feeling a bit guilty after my last article, “Win a Date with a Cuomo” on the pitiful New York Governor — it occurred to me that some funny women may also be guilty of sexual harassment in the form of Jokes!

Yes, there’s been lots of dirty old women out there & all were asking for it!

And here’s just a few. Take MAE WEST please!

“Come up & see me some time”!

“When I’m good I’m very good, but when I’m bad I’m better”!

“Too much of a good thing…can be wonderful”!

“Is that a Pistol in your pocket or are you just happy to see me”?

MOMS MABLEY

“There ain’t nothing an old man can do for me but bring me a message from a young one”!

“Anytime I have my arms around an old man is when I’m holding him for the police”!

“A woman’s a woman until the day she dies, but a man’s only a man as long as he can”!

“Help me through the night? If you can make it for half an hour – you’re alright with me”!

PHYLLIS DILLER

“I’m 18 years behind in my Ironing”!

“Housework can’t kill you – but why take a chance”!

“I serve dinner in 3 phases. Serve the Food. Clear the table. Bury the dead”!

“My body is in such bad shape I wear Prescription Underwear”!

Nah, she’s innocent!

DAME EDNA (Everage)

“Hello Possums…isn’t it amazing – I brought 3 children into this world yet I have no stretch marks!

“I was just talking to my Gynecologist – I’m still capable of having Grandchildren”!

“I founded ‘Friends of the Prostate’ in honor of my late husband’s ‘Testicular Murmur’!

“Years ago I dated Bill Gates & he’s still looking for my Mouse”!

And, MARILYN SANDS (1980’s)

“My husband says sex is like Golf – you don’t have to be good at it to enjoy it – he’s telling me”!

“No, he’s not romantic – after sex what kind of guy says, ‘I’m outta here’?

“But we have an Open Relationship – after sex we talk about the people we just fantasized about”!

“And now he says sex should only be done in bed. I said, “Does that mean no more Stovetop Stuffing”?

Well, you can’t say I haven’t proven it’s a ‘MeToo’ Movement!

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha