[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

New Kinder, Gentler Taliban Returns Control of Washington to President Biden

Trying to get on the America’s good side, a kinder, gentler Taliban is making peace offerings to Biden.

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
kinder gentler Taliban
Kinder, gentler Taliban hopes to get in as good with Biden as they did with Trump and Pompeo. Public Domain.

A new kinder, gentler Taliban, in order to receive recognition from the US government, returned control of Washington D.C. to president Biden. They included as a peace offering a basket of figs and a personalized rocket launcher.

The Taliban stated that any damages done to the city would be covered by their Mass Destruction insurance policy from Abdul of Kabul.

The Taliban also stated that to gain US acceptance, they are considering the following:

  • Making President Biden and Nancy Pelosi honorary Taliban
  • Relaxing beheading fees
  • Offering all Americans left in Afghanistan discount fares on Air Kabul Airlines
  • Hiring former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo as American Spokesperson
  • Playing the Washington Nationals in a game of Grenade Ball
  • Adopting the 1960’s Ray Stevens hit “Ahab the Arab“ as their American theme song

SNN Headline News is currently working on the following stories:

  • Democrats Plotting to Replace Joe Biden with Hillary Clinton
  • Vice President Kamala Harris Promises All 100,000 Afgan Refugees Jobs in US as Telemarketers
Ted Holland