[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

G20 Summit Unveils Car That Runs on Human Waste

G20 officials say that, in battle for climate control, cars running on human waste could be a real (and stinky) game changer.

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

At the recent G20 Summit on Global Warming, Climate Control and Environmental Justice, Dr. Hangon Sloopay, head of the Schnotzelvakian Schmellesbadde Ministry, announced that Schnotzelvakian-based Fharttegasse Motors had developed a car that runs on converted human waste.

human waste test vehicle
Test vehicle for cars running on human waste.

The car, known as “The Varoomski” (Varoomski, literally translated into English, means “Elvis”) was developed by the famed autophysicist and Rotorooter inventor, Dr. Vladimir Scheisskopf.

The Varoomski is powered by an engine outfitted with the newly developed Hypersonic Fecal/Urinary septic fuel conversion and exhaust system. The Varoomski gets approximately 60 MPBMs (miles per bowel movement).

The auto can be purchased in Schnotzelvakia for the American equivalent of $119.47 USD. However, getting it to the states is different story. After paying Schnotzelvakian taxes, levies, export fees, defecation permit costs, American taxes, import fees, modification costs and prepaid EPA fines, the total rises to $237,788.34 per car.

The major problem with the Varoomski is the exhaust. In Schnotzelvakia, where many citizens are body odor worshipers, it is not a problem. America is a different story… when tested on the universally used Chanel No. 4 Air Quality Pollution Monitor, the average American car registers 3.6. The Varoomski registers 27,578.5.

The Varoomski can be fitted with a “Schootderschittke Defunker,” which helps to sweeten the exhaust emissions from these special cars. However, that too, is a financial problem, as the Defunker is powered by Imperial Majesty Perfume, which sells for $2,355.00 an ounce. A gallon would set you back 300 grand.

Dr. Sloopay stated that another Schnotzelvakian carmaker, Schittzelmakke Motors, is developing a car that runs on Bud Light Beer. Bud Light would be about $12.00 a gallon.

Ted Holland