[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Newly Unearthed Religious Artifacts Suggest God Created Woman First

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Sure to create a lasting religious controversy, inscriptions on a newly discovered artifact says God created woman first.

While digging a 50 foot deep latrine trench, Lance Corporal Igor Koloff (no relation to the famous wrestler Ivan Koloff) of the Third Red Guard Battalion, struck and shattered a pottery vessel that contained manuscripts which appear to have been written for inclusion in the first edition of The Christian Bible and suggest that God created woman first. Koloff is currently stationed on the outskirts of The Ukraine.

God created woman firstThe artifacts were first sent to Russian president Vladimir Putin, who sent them to famed historian Dr. Skrue Yu at The University of Vagina.

According to Dr. Yu, the manuscripts were written in ancient Hittite sanskrit by one of the lesser of the minor Bible prophets, YoYoYo of Cyrene. There are similarities and differences to the generally accepted story of the creation of man in the Book of Genesis written by Moses.

YoYoYo’s story is set in the Garden of Goombah, instead of the Garden of Eden. It states that the Creator created Woman first.

She was put in charge of the garden and wasted little time in posting a set of rules and regulations that rubbed some of the garden’s more laid-back denizens the wrong way.

So the cat and the snake sent the polecat to talk to the creator. Reportedly, he said something to the effect of, “Hey Lord, youse gotta give that broad something to bang.”

To shut the polecat up, the creator took the woman’s little toe and breathed life into it and created man.

Woman was still in charge, so the snake told man that if he would drink from the canned fruit of the forbidden Budweiser tree, he would be as smart as the woman. It didn’t work, and it wasn’t long before man had the woman, God and the snake on his case.

Dr. Yu indicates that this story never made it into the Bible because YoYoYo wanted to be paid 30 pieces of Hittite Jibcoin.

Ted Holland