[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Teenage Aliens Take UFO for Joyride, Crash in Amish Country

A simple teenage alien joyride begins a new life for the strangers from outer space.

Three teenage aliens who took their father’s UFO for a joyride crashed in Pennsylvania last month and have been living among the Amish ever since.

Teenage Aliens UFO Joyride
The teenagers were immediately fitted in traditional Amish dress.

“Seeing that their situation was bleak, and threatened on all sides by citizenry brandishing shotguns,” said Amish patriarch, Eli Ladd, “we decided to protect them by welcoming them into our community. Provided they follow our rules, of course.”

The teenagers were immediately fitted in traditional Amish dress, so they would not stand out to strangers. A very difficult feat, seeing as they had very large heads. Thankfully, Amish hats went a long way toward overcoming this obstacle.

“They are extremely helpful at barn raisings,” Eli went on, “since they are able to lift very heavy beams with their minds. Also, Bible study is three times as fun, as they can project images of the stories through their eyes.”

When asked if this kind of advanced technology was not hypocritical to salt-of-the-earth Amish ways, Eli replied, “Well, there are no wires or gadgets, so what the hey?”

Asked if he was afraid that the teenage super-beings might become amorous with their daughters, Eli answered, “Not really. They understand our traditions and are quite honorable. They may not be much to look at, but their higher-intelligence and generosity has attracted a few of our girls. Not to mention their sense of humor.”

For their part, the aliens feel that they have been treated better in Amish country than in more technologically-advanced areas, where even before they landed they had been subject to fire-fights with military aircraft.

Special religious laws keep the government from interfering, and fake beards keep the boys inconspicuous when they go into town to phone home.

Hala Dika
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