Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
After the KGB found plastic explosives in Putin’s Easter basket, a nationwide bunny-hunt was launched and the Easter Bunny jailed, say authorities.
Pop culture icon the Easter Bunny has been jailed in Moscow, charged with attempting to assassinate Russian President Vladimir Putin using fake Cadbury eggs made from a plastic explosive.
The discovery was made by Putin’s personal assassin and bodyguard, KGB super agent Ludmilla the Thrilla, when she was tasting the candy before allowing the basket to reach Putin. Last week she discovered rat poison in Putin’s bowl of borscht.
The Easter Bunny will be sent to Siberia to be tortured in an attempt to uncover if he is the real Easter Bunny or a CIA assassin sent by Joe Biden.
Easter may have to be postponed until Mr. Bunny is freed, say experts. They insist it shouldn’t matter much anyway, due to the rather random way the date is determined each year.
In Other News
Ludmilla the Thrilla was recently dispatched to the offices of the Humor Times magazine to recover Putin’s subscription to the magazine which had been sanctioned by President Biden. Putin is said to be quite despondent over missing issues of the political satire magazine. Rumor has it that the agent was able to reinstate the subscription by seducing an editor at the Humor Times. A publication spokesman said he was unable to confirm or deny the rumor.
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