[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
The former half-term governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, said she was “just so darn happy-proud.”
WASHINGTON — Today, Sarah Palin was hired to be Donald Trump’s presidential campaign manager. Trump hired the 2008 Republican vice-presidential candidate and former half-term Governor of Alaska after firing Corey Lewandowski earlier in the week.
“I am just so darn happy-proud to be running the Trump train now. We’re gonna change America even if we have to take most Americans kickin’ and screamin’ there,” said Sarah Palin at her first press conference as Trump campaign manager.
Palin continued, “As engineer-person of the Trump train, I will be doin’ my darndest to make sure the Americans in ‘Real America’ get their White cabooses off their Cheetos-stained couches in super-crazy-locust numbers.”
“We’re gonna making sure those lovable, loose-cannon Trump-lovers show up in king-size White voting gangs to get Trump to wherever the gosh-darn president lives in Columbia,” explained Palin.
An unidentified member of the press asked Palin if the Trump campaign had a strategy to appeal to non-White Americans in November.
“We don’t need the votes of Americans from ‘Fake America’ if our ‘Real America’ voting gangs get out there,” replied Palin.
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