[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Sarah Palin Hired as Trump Campaign Manager

The former half-term governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, said she was “just so darn happy-proud.”

WASHINGTON — Today, Sarah Palin was hired to be Donald Trump’s presidential campaign manager. Trump hired the 2008 Republican vice-presidential candidate and former half-term Governor of Alaska after firing Corey Lewandowski earlier in the week.

Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin. (Photo: Gage Skidmore.)

“I am just so darn happy-proud to be running the Trump train now. We’re gonna change America even if we have to take most Americans kickin’ and screamin’ there,” said Sarah Palin at her first press conference as Trump campaign manager.

Palin continued, “As engineer-person of the Trump train, I will be doin’ my darndest to make sure the Americans in ‘Real America’ get their White cabooses off their Cheetos-stained couches in super-crazy-locust numbers.”

“We’re gonna making sure those lovable, loose-cannon Trump-lovers show up in king-size White voting gangs to get Trump to wherever the gosh-darn president lives in Columbia,” explained Palin.

An unidentified member of the press asked Palin if the Trump campaign had a strategy to appeal to non-White Americans in November.

“We don’t need the votes of Americans from ‘Fake America’ if our ‘Real America’ voting gangs get out there,” replied Palin.

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Alexander Vosh
Alexander Vosh has lived in Rhode Island for all of his life, but is often asked where he grew up by other Rhode Islanders due to his lack of the state's R-optional accent - which will make an appearance on occasion, usually when Vosh is annoyed. Vosh is also highly allergic to right-wing politics, and thinks whisky is swell. He writes regularly for The Nil Admirari, where this story first appeared.