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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

Inaugural Committee Made Last Ditch Effort to Dig Up Celebrity Attendants

Jan 172017
 
 By , January 17, 2017

Lacking any big name celebrities, the inaugural committee resorted to bizarre decision regarding Andrew Brietbart.

With just days until the swearing in of Donald J. Trump to the office of president, it has been revealed, the inaugural committee continued to be met with a very high lack of enthusiasm for participation by big name celebrities. Mr. Trump, who considers himself a big name celebrity, had pushed the committee to reduce the level of his embarrassment.

Inaugural Committee, Celebrity AttendantsNews leaked today indicates that the committee not only took these requests very seriously, but went far beyond the normal invitation process to at least include one big name. The additional of Andrew Brietbart to the list of attendees was originally met with the usual response about the incompetence of the Trump administration, until the macabre details of their plan was uncovered.

The committee had apparently petitioned Hillside Memorial Park to have the body of the late Mr. Brietbart exhumed from his final resting place in order to have it displayed prominently at the inauguration. The exact location for the “display” wasn’t revealed, but it is believed they wanted it to be in a location where Mr. Trump could point during his speech.

Religious leaders who were contacted about this unusual move were horrified when they realized the lack of morality that their preferred candidate was showing. Several were upset to the point that they were expressing regret for advocating for the son of Satan and said they would most likely skip the inauguration themselves, regardless of the loss of an extra paycheck.

Former Brietbart editor Steven Bannon expressed his surprise that anyone would be offended by this rather simple act. In his official statement, Mr. Bannon stated, “Look, this guy has got to lay around somewhere, it’s not like he would have endorsed this asswipe for president, it’s just us giving him a little more daylight than he was due.”

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Mike Kelly

A writer, hack if you wish to have the true definition, who enjoys putting the weird thoughts that run through my mind to words. I mostly enjoy writing about things political, but for variety will occasionally post something else.

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