[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

DeSantis Takes On ‘Woke’ Hurricane Ian

Hurricane Ian won’t be messing around with Florida any longer, says proud Gov. Ron DeSantis

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis demanded today that “woke” Hurricane Ian reimburse residents for billions of dollars of damage it inflicted earlier this week.

Hurricane Ian
Hurricane Ian image by NOAA, Public Domain.

At a press conference, the governor insisted, “We won’t take any shit from that woke hurricane.”

He also announced that he “shipped the migrant hurricane out of Florida to parts unknown.”

When pressed by reporters, DeSantis said, “I just punked you.  I ain’t saying where I sent Hurricane Ian.  But he won’t be messin’ around with the Sunshine State any longer.  That’s for sure.”

Impertinent reporters then asked the governor about his record as a congressman.  In 2013, newly elected, he opposed funding to support victims of Hurricane Sandy.  That hurricane ravaged parts of the Northeast.

Now, almost a decade later, DeSantis wants the federal government to provide billions of dollars of relief to Florida residents and homeowners.

“Yeah, I know I opposed the so-called ‘credit card mentality’ in 2013.  But this is a new decade.  And I represent the Free State of Florida, the freest state in the nation.”

DeSantis added, “We love the federal credit card now, y’all.  So, let’s go, Brandon, I mean Biden.  Print money, borrow it from China.  Whatever it takes.  And remember, we’re all in this together.  We’re the United States of America.”


You can make donations here, below:

Donate to Disaster Relief | American Red Cross

Emergency Response | Coast Guard Foundation (salsalabs.org)

Thousands need emergency cash assistance after Hurricane Ian slams Florida’s coast (care.org)

Hurricane Ian relief: How to donate, volunteer and more (wptv.com)

Steve Schneider