[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Sued Again – This Time By ‘Big Comedy’

“Big comedy” alleges Trump is destroying his own political satire brand, thus threatening the incomes of those who mock him.

A recently filed lawsuit by “big comedy” concerns today claims that Donald Trump’s bold threats and pursuit of frivolous legal actions (such as suits against media outlets), in addition to his current legal troubles, will scuttle any realistic possibilities of his 2024 Presidential return.

Big comedy, Jackie Mason and Milton Berle
Jackie Mason and Milton Berle. Images by Carl Lender, CC BY-SA 3.0, and a publicity photo, Public Domain.

This will greatly diminish his value as a target for political satire, they allege. In turn, this will cause the collapse of the multi-billion dollar political satire industry that has grown up and flourished around Mr. Trump.

Economists predict a collapse would trigger widespread layoffs and cancellations of satirical TV shows, stage revues, visual art, music, printed and online publishing activities.

Industry lawyers from the Borscht Belt Legal Group held an informal press scrum outside the US District Court in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where the suit was filed. Senior lawyers Milton Berle, Henny Youngman and Jackie Mason, all namesake descendants of famous Borscht Belt comedians, addressed the media.

“Good evening ladies and germs,” announced Berle, his classic opening line startling many younger members of the media. “We just flew in from the Catskills,” offered Youngman, “and boy, are our arms tired.” A nerve-jolting drum rimshot blasted from a nearby loudspeaker.

When asked why Donald Trump couldn’t still be a target of satire even if he doesn’t run for President in 2024, Berle replied, “When you’re not in the spotlight, you’re a nobody. Who makes fun of Bush these days?”

Big comedy, Henny Youngman
Henny Youngman. Image by GAC-General Artists Corp, Public Domain.

“Mrs. Bush,” cried Mason. (Rimshot!)

An international correspondent suggested that the current president or right-wing news outlets, such as Fox News, could fill in as primary targets of American satire. Youngman replied, “Joe Biden’s a mensch. Some mistakes, the occasional stumble, but not enough material to work with consistently. We need systemic satire. Satire that’s built in to the system. That’s why we need to prevent Trump from blowing up his chances for 2024.

Jackie Mason added, “And Fox, by you this is news? Listen, the first rule of comedy is that you can’t satirize something or somebody that’s already a satire.”

Reporters asked about the response from Trump’s lawyers to the industry lawsuit. Milton Berle replied, “I heard his lawyer told him this… Mr. Trump, your case is in terrible shape. So Trump says ‘I want a second opinion.’ ‘All right,’ said his lawyer. ‘You’re ugly too.’” (Rimshot!)

Questions arose as to whether Mr. Trump’s wife, Melania, was mentioned in the suit. Henny Youngman, peering at his notes, replied, “Just a passing reference to illustrate a point in his affidavit. I quote ‘take my wife… Please!’” (Rimshot!)

“Goes to show you, politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows. Marriage does,” quipped Mason (double rimshot!).

The press conference closed with a warning from the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis. A collapse of the comedy industry (so-called “Big Comedy”) would devastate the entire US economy with a loss of 3.5% of GDP. There would also be an increasing reliance on the importation of cheaper, less amusing satire from Asia and Canada. Americans must be prepared to fight for systemic satire, they said.

(Author’s Note: The Borscht Belt is a region of the Catskills Mountains in upstate New York. In the 1920s it was developed as a resort area for Jews who were excluded from other resorts.)

David Wollman