A flying saucer landed on the White House lawn on Jan. 6, 2027, which had been declared a national holiday by new/old President Trump.
By Llib Epot, Conservative Capitol Correspondent
This reporter was present when the huge flying saucer landed on the White House lawn at noon on Jan. 6, 2027, a year to the day after 47th President Donald J. Trump declared the date a national holiday. A boisterous MAGA crowd had gathered on the grounds for the annual celebration.
Loudspeakers were playing Twisted Sister and Van Morrison tunes. BBQs were cooking Big Macs and double cheeseburgers, and partyers raised Glocks into the air and discharged their weapons. The Proud Boys were well represented, and a throng bearing AR-15s shot into a mob of protesters, scattering the traitors to the four winds.
As the saucer slowly descended, President Trump emerged onto the Truman balcony, an icy can of Diet Coke clutched in his tiny hand, and his wife of two years, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Trump (nee Greene), following a discreet two steps in his wake. In her own hand she held a rum and Diet Coke.
“What the f—!” shouted Trump excitedly, spotting the craft. “Who’s this, more damn Democrats?” His lips made a tight, unhappy line.
Suddenly a laser flashed brilliantly from the craft and destroyed one of the six pillars supporting the White House.
“Jews!” hissed Marjorie, unsnapping the holster to her six-shooter. “It’s George Soros, darling!” she cried.
“Well,” remarked Trump thoughtfully, “at least it’s not a caravan from Mexico or some other shithole country.”
“I’ll protect you, Donald,” said Marjorie, stepping forward.
“Wait!” cautioned Trump. “That’s why we’ve got the Secret Service.”
Agents of the Secret Service raced to the alien craft, but were soon dispatched by the the lasers–dematerialized into dust.
“I’ll call the Army,” declared Trump, and summoned his Secretary of Defense, Tommy Tuberville. But, since the latest government shutdown, the military had not been paid, and so none of the enlisted men would answer the summons. Secretary Tuberville attempted to engage the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, but because of some harebrained senatorial maneuver, none of the leaders of the armed forces had been allowed to assume their leadership roles.
“What’ll we do, Tommy?” cried the president desperately.
“If it was me, I’d punt,” said Tuberville, wiping sweaty hands on his pants.
Suddenly a hatch in the center of the flying saucer popped open and a figure emerged; it was Vladimir Putin! The large crowd cheered. Since his victory in Ukraine more than a year ago, Putin had been scheming with North Korea to create sophisticated electronic weapons; this was tangible proof that he had succeeded.
Putin was escorted into the White House, where right-wing reporters and photographers captured every moment on tape.
“Vlad!” gushed Trump heartily. “You really know how to make an entrance!”
“Sosat moy chlen, aranzevyi,” (Suck my dick, orange one) said Putin with a smile.
Trump grinned. “I always said it: he’s a genius!”
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