Elon Musk co-opts famous Woodstock warning: “Don’t Eat the Brown Acid” in not-so-cryptic message to potential future Trump appointees.
Washington, DC — The news out of Washington that Elon Musk takes various mind-altering drugs has taken over the airwaves. With the news comes a flurry of defensive moves by POTUS and the GOP to rein in the “fake news” as they call it.
“Oh Pish Posh,” exclaimed Karoline Leavitt, WH Press Secretary, “I know lots of people with pill boxes. It just means they take their mental health very seriously. In this job…” she trailed off, focusing again on her carefully curated list of bull – et points.
Meanwhile, Musk was over at the ole homestead accepting a USB to the entire operating system of the USG, whereupon Trump said “B-G” and then giggled and then said BG, BG, BG, really fast and everyone laughed at that. When questioned by a reporter about his alleged drug use, Musk replied, “Oh, do you mean his (pointing to Trump) or mine?” and moved on. Later, Musk would comment “What can I say? Money Talks, Drug Policy Walks.”
Once finally out in the open, everyone with knowledge of Musk’s drug use began telling their stories. What has emerged is Musk admonishing anyone thinking about taking a position in the Trump cabinet, warning them, “Just don’t eat the orange mushrooms. They’re toxic, man!”
Musk reminisced about how he thought it would be cool to be by the president’s side, manipulating his next moves, in a way even Trump’s wives couldn’t do. “It was a dream job for me. I had just bought my first president. Up until the moment I was appointed, I made sure Donald Trump went to bed with me at night and got up with me every morning” (metaphorically speaking of course).
Musk tells how he thought being called the real Mr. President, would be all he hoped for. But it wasn’t. Musk soon learned that everyone around him was eating orange mushrooms (metaphorically speaking) and when he took that bite, he entered a world so crazy even copious amounts of mind-altering substances couldn’t rid him of the gnawing feeling that he was a really, really evil man. “The Trump crazy was stronger than mine and Ketamine was becoming ineffective,” he mused.
When asked later if he was finally finished with Washington insider life, Musk replied “There aren’t enough purple mushrooms in my pill box to make me ever want to take a bite of an orange mushroom again. Worst trip of my life!”
